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Last Night’s Party

Working for a big corporation, I’ve been to many, many corporate events. Company wide meetings, holiday parties, team building events, etc. When I go back in time, in my brain, my memories of all these events are all plagued by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I remember being so tired at a giant meeting that I popped some Ritalin, only to end up being tired and wired. I remember a Christmas party at NYC’s Central Park ice skating ring. I felt so terribly exhausted but I really wanted to go. I left early, found a bench at the end of the park, called my dad and cried. I cried about how unfair it was that I was always so exhausted, unable to really have fun. The list goes on and on. Yesterday was my company’s big meeting at Lincoln Center. The meeting was followed by the annual fancy Christmas party. I remember walking through the party last night and thinking to myself- I feel ok. I feel normal. Like a normal human being. Not exhausted. Actually, at that moment- nothing was wrong.

I’ve been feeling so good (awake) lately that I stopped charting how I feel everyday. I usually write it on a calendar. 1 feeling my worst, 10 feeling my best. Usually it was a 2 to 3.5. Now it’s probably between a 4 and 6, which is really awesome. I’m still careful about what I do. I wear my pedometer everyday and make sure I don’t over walk. I try to get at least 9 hours of sleep every night. When I was feeling bad I needed at least 10 hours for a few days until I felt a bit better. As far as food goes- I still try to eat a healthy diet but no food seems to really be a trigger for the CFS. I’ve even had some alcoholic drinks! I’m not getting trashed like I used to, but a little buzz and it’s great!

I really want to be like some people with CFS that have recovered (not that I’m fully recovered- yet). They say that their CFS was a blessing in disguise. That concept is still hard for me to swallow. CFS is a mean, mean, mean illness. Yes, it taught me many lessons, and it still is teaching me, but overall it’s horrible. Maybe I’m bitter.

So what (new in the last few months) have I been doing that I feel is/has helped me.
– Pacing
– 9-10 hours of sleep
– Homeopathy (I’ll write about it another time!)
– Speaking to a Hypno- Analyst
– Having a boy in my life
– Having great friends
– Enjoying my work
– Spirituality

I’m still working on a chronic pain issue I’ve been having. FUN. But I’m determined to beat that too. And I plan to do that fairly quickly ☺

And I left last night’s party at a very reasonable hour.


3 responses »

  1. I’m so happy to hear you’ve been doing so much better! Yay! Do you think it was one thing over another that really made a change? I personally don’t think my diet really has much to do with how I feel, despite all the people who LOVE to tell you that if you just switched XYZ, you’d be instantly cured. Anyway, I’m happy you have a new love in your life and that you’re so much better! :)

    • I honestly don’t know. I do feel that the Hypno therapy was beneficial and my brain was very happy with the boy in my life ( although that has changed now….). I’m still trying to just live life positively and watch how much I physically do. Time helps too :)

  2. Hi Little Bird, I suffered for well over a decade with cfids. I wanted to die many many times. I also suffered from shingles, PTSD, and from countless other physical and psychological afflictions along with the cfids (eating and food disorders included).

    I have completely healed from all of that. I am grateful beyond words for the disease, because now that I have healed from it, the disease taught me what is essential in life. It brought be back to God –to my Divine nature. The illness and all the years of suffering made me realize how much anger and bitterness I was walking around with before…how much repressed resentment and rage I was holding in. Having my life virtually taken from me with that disease, and the healing that has saved my life and soul, has put me in touch with what is real, what is our true nature, what we are here for! It helped me to see people like never before, to let go of my EGO, and to become who we are truly meant to be.

    Peace, Alethea


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